Mad heavy heart. Posted at 2:02 AM 0 comments (+) Fuck GP.

It's 10th January. I tried and failed. So either I'll pay someone to do it or I'll not do it at all.

My heart is really feeling fucking heavy now. And. It is all Sharman Lai's fault.
All the stuff we'd been talking about the retaining, new clique and shit. Things are just not as simple and easy as we'd like them to be, isn't it? All the things I said about having accepted it, and I'm not going to give much care to my new class and just do my own thing.

It is when I am so near from the new school term that everyth hits me on my head. And I start to feel afraid about all the strange things and changes that is going to take place in my life. I knw I am not going to like it.

I just don't want when everyth starts to become different that we start to think about what we could have done differently.

I am about 29 hours away from the new school term. A new school term when my bestfriend, boyfriend and classmates and whoever else, is not going to be part of my school life. I hate to say this, I knw I have friends in the same plight and class as me, but it does not mean that it is enough, nor will it ever suffice. I am not close with half the people in my new clique, actually I am only close with Josephine.

I need to feel the routine everyday. I can't imagine going anywhere without Sharman beside me and listening to my random rantings and all that shit. Toilet breaks in between lectures and tutorials. Exchanging irritated glances when someone/something is getting on our nerves. Don't even have any more history lessons for us to struggle to keep awake in. Fuck la, you knw the feeling? When floorball starts getting hiong again, there's no one in 5R I can complain to and I knw is going through the same shit as I am.

I can't imagine not going to school/home with Acer nor looking around campus for him. It's what I do everyday you knw. I always act like a mad girl hua chi-ing over some guy when he's actually my boyfriend, lol. Might not even be able to remember his timetable by heart anymore because passing by each other in lectures/tutorials become impossible? Sigh, I knw what will happen eventually, but even so I will it not to happen so soon.

Seow Wen Yi ah, you and your mad musings all day long which I always feel irritated but laugh at at the same time too. I hope you never manage to find someone to replace me for shopping trips and Sakae eating fests! We will go chiong floorball/gym/swimming together still and you guys must listen to my complains about life. I'll jio you out for study dates to PM mac with Sharman hor! Cannot say no ah..

One whole new period to take before my new class find out what kind of a personality I have and just let me be instead of thinking I am anti-social or anyth. Truth be told, I don't give a damn. I just thought it's going to be very tiring trying to act friendly when I knw I don't care. I don't want to appear cold or unfriendly, but I really a starting to think that I might not be able to help it.

Everyth is making me feel rather intimidated more than I have ever felt in my whole life.

No, I don't still have you. I knw everyth is going to become different. How long can I hold on to my old life before I am forced to change? 3 months? 5? Everyone has to move on some time.

Just a matter of how long.