Ugly, ugly, ugly Posted at 7:15 PM 0 comments (+)
Yesterday, while walking home after floorball, I saw this demure-looking girl who stopped in her tracks and went down to a squat. Wondering what she was doing, I came to see that she stopped to stroke a stray cat that crossed her path. When I reached my block, she was still there stroking the cat...

Sometimes I wonder what is my worth, my values, my whole self I claim to have total control and understanding of. Maybe I am not really who I am, and this is not how I should live my life, the way I claim is perfectly fine in every way.

To be myself.

This is the first time in my life I'm questioning this belief of mine I've always held strong for. Maybe after so long, being obstinate for so long, I am just wrong. I'm not sure. Maybe it isn't that good to have such a strong character. But sometimes, I can't help it.

I am never one who could hold my strong emotions within myself. People feel angry, but I'll have reactions to the anger I feel. And this is where I am different, and where I am ugly sometimes.

I can't help it sometimes. Am I supposed to just keep my emotions in check all the time and maintain some kind of public image in front of all the people who knw me? Or can I just trust my friends to take in all the unhappiness I feel and not see me in a way that I am a bitch?

I guess some of them don't understand some parts of my anger, that it is just fleeting moments of disdain towards someone/something. And it might just be asking for too much for them to knw me.

I'm not sure.

Ugly, ugly, ugly.