He's like the sunshine, and everyth is better when he's around Posted at 1:35 AM 0 comments (+)

I'd been back being a responsible school girl since school started after CNY break, which accounts for my brief disappearance for a few days. This is likely going to be the routine for the near future, if I manage to keep a grip on my determination.

It's been a short 3-day week, mostly relaxed and manageable. I'd been lighthearted for the past 3 days, and it's a good sign. I am seriously trying to go easy on myself and basically, feel good everyday.

Just plain doing my work, sharing some news and jokes with my friends, even going for floorball. I feel much better than I have ever in the past month. My mood has been fluctuating, but mostly on the low end for awhile now, and I understand that a large part of how I feel is dependent on myself really.

No matter how much a person is able to keep a carefree spirit, and how happy-go-lucky she is. No matter how much a person is able to laugh it off in times of difficulty and adversity. No matter how much a person can try to be optimistic. No matter how strong she seems, and how undefeated she always seems to be.

At the end of it, we are all the same.

We are all needy. We all want some attention from people we care about. We all want to feel loved and appreciated. We want to feel like we are important. And no, we want to knw it's not alright if we're not there. It might seem narcissistic, but everyone is like that. Some people just got it worse than others.

We all need people to support us when we're down, people to share our good news and a joke, people to tell you to go ahead and do it when you're hesitant about something (if it's good for you), people who'll stop you from falling into a bottomless pit of troubles, and people who truly care about your feelings, those who have your best interests at heart.

Does it sound much too idealistic? Perhaps so.

But I am thankful to all my friends.

Hey you girls! Thanks for staying with me! And listening to all my shit. And going mad with me. And laughing at my perpetual curses. And telling me someone's not worth it. And the hugs. And tissue papers. And tolerating my tempers. And showing me you care about me. And telling me to hang in there. And telling me I am important to you.

And everything...

We are all the same.

Shall end off with this picture that I got from Tumblr. I believe it's a book of Roald Dahl's. Because of the drawings. Anyw, it makes sense :)



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Hey, I just read it. And it's like suddenly all that I've decided I don't want to care for anymore come rushing back at me and telling me to face it again. You knw for the 2 weeks I said I'd been down it was for you? You didn't see my ugly tear-stained face that Monday I missed floorball. Do you knw it was because of you that I really broke down in front of everyone?

Did you really think I don't care?

Is this just a huge misunderstanding? Has there been a severe miscommunication?
Now I am finally starting to believe it.

I think both of us didn't bother getting the full story. But when you read this I want to tell you that, I never said those words. Whatever you heard. And I will still never use it on you. I knew that your family dislikes me. And which is why I thought was the cause of this in some sense.

You knw what, I dare to say that I treat my friends the way they should be treated. Maybe I don't speak nicely to you, maybe I don't ask for things nicely. But I will never leave my friends in the lurch, or throw them aside which you did sometimes but might I say, I have never pinned the fault on you for it. I will never betray you and speak plain evil words of you.

But you don't believe me, right?

I felt neglected, too. But I accepted it. Because I thought we were just not that close anymore. Because we all had our own friends, own boyfriends and own lives to get on with. That was all that I thought.

I am glad that I revisited that space after so long, because I finally get to read your thoughts without any messenger in between. It's so ironic that we feel so alike but are pulling in opposite directions.

You knw what is even the matter? Nobody is even in the wrong, because I never said those words, and I swear with my life, I never did. Tears I've cried plenty, and it's because we've been friends for over a decade. Find it unbelievable, me too.

She told me you said you don't need me anymore. Not even as a normal friend. And that sentence struck through my heart like cliche swords and blades and everyth sharp and prickly. Something built up over a decade fell just like this. You think I don't feel upset? You think when I made the album for you, it was not with my truest and sincerest heart and feelings for you as my friend?

This is a joke. I regret that things have to be like this. I knw things might be become fine one day, but it is upsetting to knw it might never be the same again. You knw it too, don't you. Especially after so long you've broken free of my grasp, why will you ever come back to a friend who makes you feel neglected?

Why do I want a friend who constantly pangseh me for her boyfriend, even though I might have made an appointment with her first. Have you thought of yourself this way?

I don't even knw what really was the trigger to all this. How it all started. I don't knw man. I don't knw anyth anymore.

I only have so much to say. On my part, I have never let you down. I have never treated you less than a friend.
I hope you live a better life without me in the way.

Sorry for being a bad friend and thank you for 11 years.

The dreams we had of staying together till we grow up an get married and come out for lunch one day might never come true. I am still grappling with this fact.