Take it all away Posted at 6:10 PM 0 comments (+)

Hey friends, I'm here again though it's not the next weekend yet. But whatever, right? I am feeling almost too lethargic to have any work done today. I am so tired to the extent that I feel stoned. And I don't really knw why.

Maybe I did too much of math last night. Maybe I slept too little these days. Maybe I thought about too many things all the time, 24/7 around the fucking clock that doesn't even matter. Anymore.

This is going to be the last of my emotional meltdown. I stress that this is directed at nobody in particular. It's just me, really.

I am getting tired of constantly carrying around a heavy heart. I am getting tired of feeling upset all the time. I am getting tired of being affected by every little thing. I am tired of acting like it really doesn't matter, such that I could talk or reason with others rationally, but really it's breaking me. If I could have no feelings, all the problems clouding my judgment and ability to think and reason now would probably be gone.

I don't knw what the hell I'm thinking of. What the hell I am wishing would happen. All I knw is, this has got to stop. All of it. Every single thing. I don't want to let it go on and dig a cavern in my heart bit by bit, until eventually there is going to be nothing left.

I hate to be so vulnerable. I really hate it. I am supposed to be strong. I am supposed to be unbreakable. I am not supposed to let little things shake my self-belief. I am supposed to be the wall, the shoulder, and not the one who goes to them.

I have ran out of words to express. I have ran out of feelings to feel. I have ran out of strength to continue standing. I am disgusted at myself.

Maybe I just really need to get more sleep.

What has happened, has happened. And no matter what we do, we can't change it, nor rewind time to stop it from happening. But what has yet to happen, I will stop it from happening. Even if I have to stab myself for it.

What's meant to be a joke, must remain as a joke.