There's nothing left to beg for Posted at 8:12 PM 0 comments (+)
This weekend was unproductive. I still have truckloads of assignments undone. There's math test on Friday, and I am slightly disturbed by the fact that I don't seem to be able to do a lot of the questions in my tuition homework. There's floorball tmr, which I am also slightly disturbed by. But at least school doesn't end at 5pm anymore.

I feel like I am stuck in a cycle that is on loop. Something happens, I get thrown into the abyss of pain, disdain, shame, mental torment and everyth else. I try to get better. I cry. I beat myself up. I get better. Then something else happens, and down I go again. Maybe I should get used to the idea?

Spoke to some people recently about life in general. I said yesterday, sometimes I wished I was a stupid little prissy so that people would give in to me for once and not just think that I'll be okay on my own. I knw that I'll be okay on my own, sooner or later. But the process is so painful.

I don't knw what I'm trying to make stay. After everyth, after so long. So I don't want to try, for I knw I will only mess things up further. I knw it's a waste, but I asked myself and I truly could not find an answer to what I was trying to beg to stay. There is nothing left. What will happen, will eventually. And if it doesn't, it just won't.

Sigh. Thanks, you people. For taking time off and listening patiently to my rantings and thoughts. I really appreciate it. Things might not get better, but I will.

Back again next weekend.