I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue Posted at 12:37 AM 0 comments (+) It is taking more and more effort for me to get over myself.

I think I have really tried. Time after time. Until I got so jaded, so worn out, so down that I don't feel like trying anymore. When my patience is wearing thin like never before and I feel like there is no point in doing anything else.

I need to sit down and think again.
I need to learn to stop throwing myself at the wall.

People always disappoint. I knw that, but it is still hard to cope with. I had no idea it was so much to ask for just for people to be a little less selfish. To just spare a thought for another. To stop thinking and talking about yourself. To slow down and listen for a change. I am sick and tired of all the mememememe coming out of the mouths of some people. You should really shut up.

It is not often I find myself feeling so down. I seem to have lost the hope and motivation to take a step forward. I want to sink down on the floor and just think for a bit. I knw the answers to all my questions. But I can't do it.

I knw that things will become alright one day. But from now till then, how long is it going to take? And how much can I actually bear? It is the fear that things might take too long, or that they might never be okay that forces me to stay put on the spot. I realised that I am actually so afraid.

If you care to ask for someone's opinion, then care to listen to it. The last thing I appreciate is for others to put off what I say when you're the one who consulted me in the first place. If you didn't think I might give you good enough inputs, you shouldn't even have tried.

I am not a perfect person. But I try to tolerate the nonsense from other people, unlike a snappy reply I could easily give you without so much as a little true annoyance. I hope you could at least sense it and appreciate it. On some days, my tolerance threshold is lower than other days. Sometimes I am high, others I am low. I act like a mobster queen, but I bend no morals. I am just sick of being treated like trash by everybody. It's time you shut your mouth and open your eyes, and take me for who I am.

I hope for something to come and take me away from all this suffocating nonsense. I hope I could walk out of this alone. But I am too weak for that. And until the day I could, I just have to live with whatever I have. Whatever I can't cut out of my life. Whatever I chose.

And Pretence will continue.