Posted at 12:08 AM 0 comments (+) Today is one of the days I feel like I am never going to be enough for anything and anybody.

I tried, I was not stoning, I was ready, I was waiting for your command. But whatever, why am I even bothering to explain anything? You can go ahead and just keep finding fault in me. I don't even knw what am I supposed to fucking do. You didn't even give me a chance.

I am not paranoid. Others felt so too, because it was too damn obvious. What did I tell you? High expectations? Don't give me this shit. If I really suck so much, just go ahead and take me out then. Better than having to tolerate being criticised like I'm not worth anything after giving my everything.

Just a nice wrap-up to my hell of a hectic, crazy, tiring and annoying week.

I am so tired from this week. I keep getting shit hurled at me. My teachers think that my life only contains school, and I only study one subject. The rate at which they are going through and rushing lectures and tutorials are fucking annoying. It's like, just to complete what they have to teach, they can do anything, including compromising our understanding. I don't even have the time to think before the slide is changed and a new concept is being taught.

Don't tell me I learnt it before and it should be easy for me. Fuck you because you just don't knw how fast the speed really is. It is impossible for anyone to really think, not to mention those who are doing it for the first time.

Floorball is also starting to take its toll on me. Matches on Monday and Wednesday, training today. My knee and foot is hurting immensely, even when I walk. Just when I was doing a drill during training earlier, I was struggling to change direction so much I almost sprained my ankle. And all I got for trying so hard is to be shouted at and criticised again. I TRIED, GODDAMNIT I TRIED OKAY?!

I didn't even fucking open my mouth to complain about anything. I grimace to people but I didn't even really say how fucking worn out I am from the week.

About how tough my week was, how school ends only at 4.30pm on days after matches, how I am so tired after I get home I can hardly concentrate, how I did not study for my math test AT ALL because I was so tired after our match with VJ, how I didn't do ANY homework this week because it was near impossible to. How now I have to rush everything during the weekends, and sacrificing time I could actually be using to relax and recharge. I needn't have to do all this, y'knw. I merely wanted to perform well.

I gave every ounce of my energy and my mental strength to floorball this week, and I just practically got told that I suck. Made me so fucking angsty just now wondering what did I do or not do to deserve this kind of treatment.

Not to even mention I had to deal with all this on top of my emotional turmoil. I would say I am handling everything so well just that I got pushed over the edge this time round.

Are you even starting to feel a little bit of the kind of fatigue I am feeling this instant? Were all of this even worth me trying so hard for? What exactly am I fighting for? I don't even knw.

Whatever, don't want to go on about it anymore. Forget it. Because I knw no matter how much I say in my defense, some people just wouldn't understand how I feel. So ya okay, whatever, I rest my case, and I don't want to knw what you think either. So please feel free to shut the fuck up.

Kthnxbye.