Waist-deep in thought Posted at 7:30 PM 0 comments (+)
Hey there.

secrets-unravelled.bs.com is where I've been thriving these days. Pardon my lack of presence here, I really don't knw what to say. My thoughts and speech become limited when it's a public space. My actions become fake, like I am trying to show somebody something.

I regret removing you from there, but I don't have a choice anymore.
Maybe you didn't even notice.

Let this be my ranting ground for a bit. Chem test is in two days, and I still have not started. I knw, I'm a mess. There isn't much left of today to study, there's floorball tmr, and the test is first thing on Thursday. Makes you wonder what the hell I'm still doing typing this up. I feel like I can't be bothered about it, but a part of me also knws that I can't fall. I have a strong desire to achieve, but my willpower cannot match that desire.

I am so tired. And I am not just saying it out of habit like I sometimes do, or like people who say it but they aren't really that tired. I am that tired. Physically, but more so mentally. I feel like I am going crazy. I am not being dramatic. I honestly feel stretched, not to the limit, but nearly. Everything is driving me crazy. I am going crazy.

Someone pull me out?
Nah. Who am I joking.

I'll just lie here, silent and motionless for a bit. Till I knw what to do. Till I have enough strength to get up and walk out without having to rely on anyone.

I don't want to talk anymore. I don't want to try anymore. Words seem to say so much, but do so little. It's the same with every single damn one. I am tired of explaining, of feeling, of trying. After saying so much, how much did you actually understand? Wonder what you even understood after all this.

I think I need to play some floorball to stop feeling this way. I want to die.

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again