Inadequacies Posted at 11:20 PM 0 comments (+)

Feeling really tired now. I'll turn in after this short entry.

Today, I found out from Josephine that Mr Tan left the school already. And I wouldn't even have known if not for the fact that it was NCC day and I was looking out for him in his uniform. I immediately texted him upon knowing, and even though I got some comfort from his words, I still felt upset the whole day.

One less person who cares about me now.

I just wanted to say that I feel so strongly for Mr Tan because he helped me much along the way since year 4, even until now when I am no longer his student. He was more than a teacher, he felt like a friend to me. He willingly gave advices and tried to help in every way he could, he cares about us beyond just our lives in school. It's quite sad that he couldn't stay till I graduate from this school, but I'm sure that whatever he's doing now, he'd be doing better.

I hope that on CNYs, 4H'08 would still go visit his place, and play rock band and talk cock and tease each other and reminisce about stupid things we did together in the past. I hope that he'll still turn up for 4H chalets like he said he would as long as we invite him. I hope that at the end of term 4 I will have awesome grades that I'd be proud to update him about.

Today, I also got back my progress report. My grades significantly dropped from that in term 1, and I'm not going to blame floorball or any other things because I knw my drive was diminished as well. It wasn't that bad, just not good enough yet.

I noticed that I am also lagging behind in many subjects. I am still struggling to figure out differentiation, and integration already started today. Not to mention the whole organic haze looming upon me. I am fucking intimidated, but the exams are preventing me from doing much. And of course, myself. It has always been about myself.

The year 6s' exams have also prevented me from meeting up with Sharman and Wenyi much (or at all) these days and I've been feeling rather.. What is even the word to describe it? Jaded maybe.

After this okay? After 12th July. I'd take a break for one or two days then start to make up my studying routine and stick to it. I need to get better. This is not enough. I need to summon my strength and determination back.

10/11 weeks to promos. I never felt like something mattered so much for me to care about it so much.

I am so fucking pathetic.