Heartstrings Posted at 12:34 AM 0 comments (+)

The weekends are finally here, but I really haven't been productive. Still struggling around not knwing how to settle down and focus...

Watching 钱不够用2 on Channel 8 now. The story is so depressing. I have no idea whether in times when money is tight, that kinship will eventually lose out to it. Whether people won't be able to remember all that our parents had done for us in their lifetime, and only remember the costs of everything to take care of them now. Whether when I grow up, I would have quarrels with my siblings about the responsibility of taking care of our parents too.

I don't wish to think of that for now. But I knw that my parents are slowly, but surely aging.

There's always a point in time I feel like I hate my parents like everything. I still remember about this time last year, I was at war with my mother. Friends will knw what really happened with all the scars on my body and legs. I was uncontactable during that period of time because I didn't have a phone. And sometimes I have to go on with nothing to eat because I didn't have enough money.

I was so angry. So upset. I vowed that I will never take care of her when she got old because she didn't deserve it. I even wished that she was dead. I never talked to her in the 2 months of war.

After being caned twice and lots of shouting and crying, things got better. I'm not sure when and how it did. Now my mum stopped exploiting me like a free maid to do all her chores every day, and I do them without having her to nag at me to get them done.

As for my dad, I am perpetually angry at him. No idea why, but he just loves to piss me off in his own little ways. He's never beaten me since I was a kid, but his weapons were his words. He tore me down, crushed me and made me feel worthless with them some days. And I simply didn't understand why I had a dad like him.

But he was the one who solved my problems at my lowest point back in year 4. He was the one who always stood up for me no matter to teachers or the school because he believes that I am not at fault. I knw that he'd always had high hopes for me, and I knw that I'd disappointed him, what with having to repeat.

I suppose I still have a life ahead of me to make right these wrongs.
And I will.

Fuck. I am totally crying. Why did the show have to trigger so much thoughts.
Kthnxbye I go sleep liao.