Alone Posted at 1:54 AM 0 comments (+) I really don't have the mood to post tonight, but too much is running through my mind that I have to write it down, even if it might be nonsensical.

I hate life. I fucking hate life. Shut up about all the good things there is to life because they aren't happening to me. Shut up about some people don't even have life, honestly I cannot even give a shit.

To me, life now is only about endless struggles, trying but not getting, being pushed down and getting back up only to be pushed down again, occasional fun and laughter, tons of useless memories that do nothing other than hold people back and people who are there but not there. They keep leaving. I cannot make anyone stay. They just keep leaving.

What is together? We are not in anything together. We are all so alone, especially in our pain and struggle. I haven't met anyone who could truly understand what is breaking me. How could we possibly be in this together? It is at times like this that I can really understand why she would choose to keep things to herself. Others can't solve it for you anyway, ultimately it is your struggle. And it hurts even more when you don't even get the words of comfort or encouragement you so yearn to hear.

To be honest, I feel really lousy tonight. Among all the small and insignificant things that screwed up, it just led to me feeling really terrible now. I knw, life is all like this. Nothing is a bed of roses, bed of thorns more like. Still, knwing doesn't make it hurt any lesser.

I cannot understand why things that are supposed to be simple always turn out fucking complicated. I don't understand why people who don't like each other cannot just admit to it or behave like it but yet act like there's nothing wrong. I don't understand why simple relationships have to turn bitter and hurt everyone in it.

I don't understand why some really simple issues that should be handled with sensitivity and with your heart, you cannot grasp. I don't understand why I bother struggling with myself over fruitless and done things.

Lately I feel like no one cares. They've all got more important things at hand to handle, nobody really has the time to entertain me and my nonsense anymore. I always complain about the same things anyway. I can never arrive at a solution and neither can they. I mean, they are right. They are all right. All the things I am bothered about can actually just be thrown away, they are all undue worries.

I don't have to prove anything? But it is not to others, it is to myself. I don't even really knw what I am feeling upset for anymore. Everything is so messed up.

The truth is that, even after reading this, nobody will even give a shit.
But whatever, I supposed I am already used to this.