Just gna stand there and watch me burn Posted at 12:34 AM 0 comments (+)
I was contemplating some questions lately. Questions that honestly, don't really matter at all and are better off for me to take them as they come.

I cannot emphasise on how much I feel that things are not the same anymore. Minus the fact that I'd been feeling extra cranky these days, I just don't get the same feelings from the same people anymore.

Is it the distance? Less interaction and time together? Mounting pressure from the looming exams? What? Why is it that I feel the gap between all of us is growing bigger and bigger? So much that I cannot cover it up, even with everything I have?

I used to be very, very bothered when I hear or see some things. I am so afraid of losing. Lately, I find that I don't have the energy to bother. I'd rather let things be, and either pick them up later or just leave them there for good.

I cannot tell what's better.

I'm so tired of thinking, considering, feeling, contemplating, wondering, searching, asking, trying, failing. The truth is that, I am so afraid. I am afraid of so many things, they seem like my whole life, and it's going to swallow me whole. Lately, my life is just about "Fuck it, I don't want to give a damn."

I am so afraid that after the choice of this one year, of changes and giving up some parts of my life and hence changing it irreversibly forever, it's still going to amount to nothing spectacular. I physically cannot go on. I am no longer motivated. I only feel tired, jaded and I don't want to try anymore. I cannot catch up, I haven't started, I already feel like giving up. I only feel pressure.

I am so afraid that after this one year, everything is only going to change even more. That I'll be forced to face the fact that we are all leading different lives and might not cross paths ever, after people leave this place that physically hold us together.

I am slowly learning to shed all the weight on my heart, and lay them on the floor. And turn. And walk away.

And never look back.

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谁还记得是谁先说, 永远的爱我? 以前的一句话, 是我们以后的伤口. 过了太久, 没人记得当初那些温柔. 我和你手牵手, 说要一起走到最后.

我们都忘了, 这条路走了多久. 心中是清楚的, 有一天, 有一天都会停的. 让时间说真话, 虽然我也害怕, 在天黑了以后, 我们都不知道会不会有以后.

谁还记得是谁先说, 永远的爱我? 以前的一句话, 是我们以后的伤口. 过了太久, 没人记得当初那些温柔. 我和你手牵手, 说要一起走到最后.

我们都累了, 却没办法往回走. 两颗心都迷惑, 怎么说, 怎么说都没有救. 亲爱的, 为什么? 也许你也不懂. 两个相爱的人, 等着对方先说想分开的理由.

谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候? 我和你的眼中看见了不同的天空. 走得太远终于走到分岔路的路口. 是不是你和我, 要有两个相反的梦?

谁还记得是谁先说, 永远的爱我? 以前的一句话, 是我们以后的伤口. 过了太久, 没人记得当初那些温柔. 我和你手牵手, 说要一起走到最后.

我和你手牵手, 说要一起走到最后.