Do you knw what it feels like? Posted at 9:09 PM 0 comments (+) Do you?

When you feel all the angst in the world bubbling within you, waiting for something, anything, to give you enough reason to release all of that frustration? When there is not one thing in your life that gives you enough reason to feel better? When nobody even cares to ask, or listen?

Do you seriously knw what this feels like?
It feels like helplessness. Like pain. Loneliness. Cold. It feels like a big black hole with nothing in it.

I've been trying so hard to stop feeling this kind of angst all the time. I try to stop being so negative. When I feel so, I keep quiet, I take a nap. But everyday is becoming harder to get by. The fact that people just don't care is really so glaring every single day. They talk about their excitement, their worries, their frustrations, their everyday life. They care little about anything else. Sometimes I don't even want to open my mouth anymore.

Seriously? It's not hard to read me. I don't hide my feelings at all. One look at my face, you can tell how I'm feeling. If I am around all the time, yet people just never ever show interest in my affairs whatsoever, what for come and show it now? Did you not notice, or choose not to? What for come and ask only after I'd written a few sentences of my unhappiness somewhere? It just feels like a joke to me.

I always think about how possible it can be for people to be so different in real life and in the virtual world. The kind of attitudes they have, the tone, the words they use. I will fall flat on the floor in shock any time if I hear them say such things to me face-to-face. How possible is it for us to lead so many different lives with so many different personalities to so many different people? Which one then is the true you?

I am tired of always being invisible. The words I say are never heard. It's like I try to say something (sometimes I cannot even finish my sentence), then the next moment it is instantly covered up by another voice with their own grievances to share. I don't understand sometimes. I don't understand anything at all.

I feel very detached and I don't knw who I can go to who wouldn't just cover up what I want to say with their own words again. I don't knw why is everything suddenly so difficult. I don't knw how to carry on living this kind of life everyday. I knw that I will eventually burst one day.

If only I could just disappear for awhile. I feel so tired of feeling like this. Don't tell me that I didn't tell you I was feeling like this, or that you didn't knw, or that you're busy, or above all, that you care. Stop finding excuses for yourself. Do you really care? Sometimes it is obvious that some people only come to me when they need my help, other times, they don't give shit to whether I am okay.

Whenever I take the first step and do something first, I get so tired of waiting around for things to happen. I always ask myself, why did things have to be like this? Why does it always have to be me? Why do I always have to press my phone and see if you people have replied or not? All of you people who always ask me out for fun and enjoyment, and proclaim yourself to be my best/close/good friends. Where are all of you when I needed you?

If you have no words of comfort, or concern when I was right next to you complaining about my life, then don't text and ask me what's wrong afterward. I have already said everything to you barely awhile ago. You see the freaking irony?

Do you really knw what it feels like? I am so tired of feeling like this.

不要等到有事的时候才来慰问我.