Posted at 12:52 AM 0 comments (+)
最近突然为很多事烦恼, 却没有心情写太多. 反正都是一些没有答案的、说过无数次的事情.

I thought that if I could be there for someone when they need it, they would remember that when everyone else had turned their backs on them, I was still there. When they couldn't find anybody else to be with, I was with them. And at the end of it, they would remember, and they would knw, that when all else fails, I truly still care.

But what I realised was that, instead of being grateful or even nice to me as a person, people just took me for granted. I became the backup plan, the substitute, the last resort. If, and only if, they couldn't find anybody else to be with, if their friends cancel out on them, if they ran into trouble and need help, then they'd come running to me. The difference?

Other than that, I am a nothing to them.

Sometimes I really wonder if what I am doing is worth it. If at the end of the day, I am still going to be a fool. If people actually care for what I am doing. Sometimes I want to scream in their faces. That I don't need to be doing all these, that it really is not my responsibility whatsoever, that I am not obliged to be anything.

Why can't they just realise it?
I'm not going to be here forever.

心都死到没有感觉了