We are most alone in our pain Posted at 2:02 AM 0 comments (+) I'm guessing I kind of lost the inclination to update about my life much anymore. Many thoughts drifted in and out of my head these days, some revelations, familiar determination and so on but I am just too lazy to summon up this page to begin typing. Or maybe they are just too complicated to be suitable for posting.

Anyhow, the past week had been most hectic and tiring. I am currently taking a short break away from everything else, and just staying home to do cleaning up and maybe just relaxing.

Had a little meet-up with Sherry and Zhijun on Monday. Did some simple, relaxing shopping. Haven't been able to do so for many many months. Dropped by to 5N chalet after that, but there wasn't anything much at that point in time.


Sentosa with Sharman and Wenyi on Wednesday was good. The weather was cool, no sun though, but at least the rain didn't stay for long. I like the feeling of just sitting on the sand, feeling the cool ocean breeze, singing along to whatever is playing on my iPod, taking funny pictures with my favourite girls, feeling the waves come up to my ankles and subsiding again... I only wish to have more opportunities of doing it again.



PH at night was fun as long as it lasted. The next time I'm going to be in a club is probably going to be one year from now already. Admittedly, the kind of night life in PH is something I actually enjoy. I like the booming music, I like the flashing lights, I like just sitting at one corner of the club sipping my own drink and singing along to the songs I knw, even though I can't even hear myself. But I suppose I still prefer walking along bright, sunny and familiar streets, even if I am on my own.

Still, I have to say I like the feeling of waking up at Sharman's place feeling like I'm at a chalet (well, her place does look like one), talking until we fall asleep and things that we have not been able to do since A's came around all those months ago. Even if I spent 6 hours sleeping on the table in her living room instead of anything soft, it was still good and I love her for putting me up at her place despite it being completely unplanned, and possibly having to explain to her parents after I leave.

I suppose after everything, I found out and realised that perhaps everyone is still the same. It doesn't even matter what they have said to you before, how they've made you feel at any point in time. I may have felt loved, cared for, or even invincible with you guys. But in the end, in just a moment, everything could be destroyed. I guess this is why I always say "Let time tell."

I don't even knw why I am so affected. Or maybe I am just really disappointed. No matter what it is, I am fine already. I just thought that for once I'd really found people who cared so much about me, I thought maybe you people really meant what you'd said and will never let me down. But I guess I was wrong.

You knw what, this isn't a big deal, I knw. I knw that I am not any of your priorities, and there is no way I can be. I knw that ahead of me, there are more important and prominent things, and people, to take care of. I knw all of that, I understand that, and I don't blame any of you. I just thought maybe you guys were different. Then again, I remember that we are all but just humans. I knw that things screwed up unexpectedly, and that is the reason why I did not want to add on to the shit that already happened. I am honestly not even angry, I had long anticipated this would happen. Just disappointed and slightly melancholic, maybe. That despite all the assurances and everything else in between, I was right and it still happened.

At the end of everything, here I am again, all alone. I wonder if I will ever be good enough for any of you. But I guess I'll never find out. It might not even be that important anymore some days later.

And no, please don't get me wrong. I am not emo-ing. This is just realisation. I may have lost faith in us, but I still thank you people for allowing me to feel on top of the world at times.

I always wonder why I am so stupid.
Guess I still belong to bright, sunny and familiar streets.