Maybe I am afraid, or stressed, or plain lazy, or just too defeated to want to pick myself up to do anything. Whatever it is. I really don't knw, and I don't care enough to knw. Maybe it doesn't really matter. By now, I already knw that nobody and nothing helps.

Nobody. And nothing.

I really don't knw what the fuck, okay? I don't.

Maybe the truth is that I no longer have the energy to care about anything or anybody else. So I guess, I feel okay if you want to leave me now. I suppose people have to give and take, and make an effort and sacrifices for each other. But the plain truth is that I don't have the energy for this. Not anymore. I don't have the energy to keep the smile or look of interest on my face when you're saying something to me. I don't have the energy to reply with my heart. I don't even have the fucking energy to think.

Strange how that can be possible when I'm just bumming around doing nothing.

If it is, then okay, I'm sorry, good for you, but I'm okay with it. I can understand, I guess. If not then all the better. I don't knw and I am too tired to figure it out. So I'm just going to leave everything here.

I think this is a first. Prelims begin tmr. Nothing is in my head at this instant except for how fail I allowed myself to be for this past few days. Ah.

Tomorrow I fight again.

I want to go away.