I can never start studying properly (focused, off the computer, not listening to music) until it's too freaking late. Like maybe one day, or maybe 2 hours before the paper. It's the truth. When I have a little more than 1 day, I won't do much. When I have 2 hours left, I am focused like never before, then I'll hate myself for starting so late.

This, unfortunately, just tells me that I am destined to fail, or scrape pass. The f.

The past 3 papers weren't easy, in fact they were increasingly difficult, but for not studying, I don't think I'll flunk that badly. I can only hope luck is on my side and I'll be able to scrape pass, or borderline fail. Totally asking for too much, actually.

Tomorrow I battle with the old enemy/lover, math. I have a love/hate relationship with the beast.

Ah. Just 55 days more, and another 2 to 3 weeks, I'll be freer than I have ever been in my entire 19 years of existence.

Then, I'll start living.

----

Sometimes, people just walk away without saying why. You wonder sometimes, if this is really the end. You wonder if they're leaving for good. Will they one day come back and demand for your attention, as if they never left?

For awhile, you toss and turn at night. You scream questions at yourself, at the world. You search for answers. You dissect past conversations, trying to revive any inkling of true emotions and attachments behind them. You question again, how it happened so gradually and naturally, as if it was the right step to take, as if it was inevitable, that you didn't even see it coming.

Those people leave. But after awhile, you stop asking yourself why.