I really can't even find anymore words to explain how stupid and hopeless I am right now. I'm just saying that this is not how I imagined myself to be, you know?

I guess all along I just kept telling myself I had time.

I write all these stuff down, you know? I don't blog often, but I write a lot with pen and paper. And every time I look back on those things I'd written, I always catch myself wishing I could turn back time. It was like that during mid-years, it was like that during prelims, and it's still like that right now. But I'd already seen it coming from all those months ago. So all I'm waiting for right now, is really just for the train wreck to happen.

I am afraid. I am fucking terrified.

I already know the consequences. But the fact that the end is so near just makes me lose all my motivation and willpower to take even one more step forward. I just want to sit down here and wait for doom to come. I don't want to even try.

I know I'm gna be disappointing a hell lot of people. But really, it's too late for anything right now.

No, don't tell me any different, okay? I know.

Why am I so weak.