Posted at 2:41 PM 0 comments (+) If I were given cash as a measure of the amount of anger I have inside me any day, I would become a fucking billionaire in a second.

I always ask myself why I have to be like this. I'm always so angry at the whole world. And to be honest, sometimes I just don't care and want to cause a lot of harm to anyone who offend me, intentionally or not.

It's impossible for me to live in this environment that keeps provoking my anger every single day.
Things that are unfair, things I cannot help and cannot have. People who are not supportive, people who don't put their heart into things they do and our conversations. I really hate all of these things and they make me dislike myself that I am like that.

I hate it when I want to rant to somebody and they just turn the entire conversation to be about themselves again. I hate it when people ask me things but they are not really interested about paying attention to, and they end up asking me the same things again and again. I hate it when people brush me off. I hate it that most of the time I am like having a fucking monologue with myself in a Whatsapp group or even in a text thread. I hate it so much.

These feelings are immediate and urgent and obviously they need to be remedied immediately. But the fucking truth is that at the immediate moment after the occurrence of something that pisses me off, I can never reach anybody. And I hate it that I can't even blame anybody for it. Yeah it's not anybody's fault that they aren't by their phones 24/7, in fact it probably is my fault that I am by my phone 24/7, but it's just like what the fuck, where is everyfuckingbody?!

And they ask me why am I always alone. Wow, I wonder why too.
How about because everyone is always so unavailable.

This world is a fucking sad place for me to live in because I cannot find peace in anything, because I cannot find people who are perfectly in tune with me and just because of the way I am.

I am just so angry at everybody and everything that I never want to be nice to anybody ever again but what the fuck because that is just not how things work. And that is why I hate life even more.

I hadn't wanted to start July in this way but look where we are and what the fuck.