Posted at 2:59 AM 0 comments (+) There are a lot of things that I want to say about my family now.
The parents' cold war has gone on for so long that my brother is very bothered by it.
Me, as usual, cannot give two fucks to whatever stunts my parents want to pull as long as they don't implicate me in their drama.

I am very tired. I can't organise my thoughts well in this state.
My brother was very sad when he talked about it with me just now, he actually had tears in his eyes.
He kept telling me, "but this is not right", "we have to talk and let them knw"
And I said no. No, no, no. It won't work. No.
I knw that it won't. I knw the way my parents think very well. I knw and that is why I never tried to change the order of things in this family, even when it hurts me a lot.

I don't want my brother to be upset over this.
I feel like this family is not worth it. Everybody in this family is selfish. They only want for themselves, and they don't see from others' POV. They don't care to see.
Truth.
While my mum complains on FB message to her sisters about how my dad refuses to accept that he is ever wrong, she doesn't see that she is exactly the same.
The two of them are exactly the same in their mindset by being adamant and persistent, but they are pulling in completely opposite directions.
I don't want to fix this but I don't want my brother to be upset over this because this family is not worth it.

One big empty shell, this is what we are.
It's not as bad as others', they say. Other people's mum ran off with her dance instructor at the community center. Other people's dad has a mistress. They say we are better off.
We are not.
I have been hurt enough, shocked enough, tired enough that I simply do not care anymore. I am immuned to their bullshit, and I only knw to stay out of it until the day that I get out of here. I do not think it can be fixed and I do not care to fix it. But my bro wants to try.
I don't knw what to do.

I am really not a good sister or a good daughter.
I really don't care what happens to my family as long as I can rely on myself.
I just don't want my brother to be affected. 16 is an age to be focusing on your studies, doing what you enjoy, missing deadlines for projects, staying up till way too late, arguing with your parents and having the time of your life. 16 is not the age to be worrying about this screwed up family. I don't want him to be affected. I want him to keep up his good grades and keep going. But I don't knw what I can do to protect him when I am struggling to stay afloat myself.

My heart hurts.
Where did things go wrong? How did we turn out like this?

I think I should just die because I am so heartless.
没感情又自私的人
就是我