Misfit Posted at 1:30 AM 0 comments (+) Something is wrong with me.

I feel really low these days, and there are no real reasons behind my mood. I keep feeling like a misfit, like I am not really worthy of anything great in life, that I will never get anywhere, never be enough.

I am so tired of living. That doesn't mean I want to die. I'm just so tired of living like this. Soulless, directionless, aimless. Hopeless.
I hate it when I'm like this.

I stay up late because I feel at ease with myself with the peace at night. Nobody presses me for anything, nobody spits sharp words at me that make me bleed from my pores. The music in my ears sings to me, and it tells me "You're going to be okay, just listen to me."
I don't sleep because tomorrow doesn't bring me anything to look forward to. I don't want to wake up to face a new day when there is no purpose, no meaning and every step is a struggle.

What is wrong with me?

Sometimes when it's really late at night, I listen to the best voices in kpop idols and imagined how it would be  like if it were my life to live. To be living each day for my passion, to have others adore for it. To be pressed to the limits, working me to exhaustion until I could pass out. But there is no reason to complain because this is what I love and what I chose to do. And I would embrace it with every fiber of my being.
Sometimes when my heart hurts so bad but there are no tears to cry, I imagine there would be an invisible spirit of sorts who'd stay beside me while I'm asleep and it'll whisper to me how I'm going to be just fine and it will protect me.

My life isn't really hard if you compare it to people with illnesses, diabilities or broken families. I have enough to eat, a roof above my head, proper education.

But does that mean my heart cannot hurt? That I don't have the right to be discontent and upset with my life?

I am so lost.

I just want somebody to protect me.
Can somebody please protect me.