Times when I'm still awake at 3 or 4 in the morning, when it's really quiet out and I've done my fair share of fangirling for the night. I have nothing to do but I don't want to go to sleep if only to prolong the peaceful night, so I just sit and listen to music and then I start thinking about a lot of things.

Another time it happens is when I just got up in the morning/afternoon and there's something on in the day I have to get done which I don't want to do. Usually academic.
Then I start to wonder why I'm still alive and what am I doing with life and why can't somebody just make me disappear because I don't fucking care about anything anymore.

Sometimes after some form of mental breakdown, I strangely get some renewed strength to want to do things right again. But I've already been through this process enough times to know that it doesn't really work. Nothing works. And so I keep falling.

But I catch myself so well that nobody's going to bother to catch me when they see me falling.