D-100 Posted at 4:31 PM 0 comments (+) I've been trying to drink myself into oblivion for the last two days, but to no success because obviously, I'm not drinking hard liquor. Though, I did drink enough last night to not be able to walk straight by the time I got up to go to bed, and I woke up this morning with a terrible churning in my stomach. Bleargh.

Of course, I drank because I wanted to get batshit drunk. But maybe I also drank to give myself a legit reason to be fucking sad and to go out of control. You see, people, they don't register your hurt as something real unless they see some kind of extreme behaviour happening. When I get hurt, there's a riot going on in my brain, I hurl a lot of vulgarities around and that's about it. Don't even get me started about how quickly I forgive people who break me.

(I forgive but I can't forget.) 

And to prove myself right, I can't even begin to count the number of people who came to talk to me, worried, about my drinking. I don't even knw if I should laugh or cry at the irony. Some people see your sadness, some people don't. Then there are some who see it but they don't care. But those who came to you, it's just funny how quickly and readily they are to leave your side once they affirmed that you're fine. Practical human beings huh? Just like myself.

Things are getting hard again, and if you asked me I really wouldn't knw how to tell it to you about how it is hard, but it just is. I am beginning to feel myself starting to spiral down that familiar pit that promises failure, but I don't have it in me to stop. It scares and worries me at the same time but like always, that is all it does. I seem to have had a good start, but I was never meant to last in a race.

I don't think I want to drink that much again.

D-100