Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Posted at 1:53 AM
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He was someone she could only always look at from afar but never actually have. And every time he had been gentle to her; let her rest her head on his shoulder for a while, looked out for her, been genuinely concerned, it breaks her heart a bit more.
He was always so near her fingertips before he would slip right away, almost as if on purpose. As if he knew what he was doing to her.
And she was always reminded that she is the one no one wants.
----
Sometimes when you've said something harsh to me, it stays in my mind for a very long time. Longer than you knw, and than I'd expect.
Like I have mentioned in my previous post, as time slowly goes by I am starting to see that I have been wrong about some things and people. There is no such thing as unconditional understanding and support in a friendship or relationship. There is no such thing as no judging, even from the people whom you always go to to pour your grievances to and seem like they are completely cool with everything you say.
They just pretend like they don't judging you.
They do. Everybody does.
And it only takes one instance of you blurting harsh words directed at me for me to knw this.
Every time one of them does this to me it just comes to my mind that "Ah, yet another one of the everyone else who doesn't understand.", and then I make a mental note to never mention whatever the topic was to them again.
All I can say is that, you can't empathise with it because you've never been it.
People think they can tell others everything. They tell others how they should behave, how they should think, how they should fucking eat or sleep. But you can't tell me how to feel. I can't tell me how to feel. I just feel. And you don't have the right to tell me I shouldn't feel a certain way, you don't have the right to tell me it's wrong.
You don't even knw how I feel.
You just think you do. I don't even want to get started at explaining.
People always used to throw the "you don't understand, you've never ___ before" card at me. I would throw this card in your face right now, except I wouldn't even want to be bothered. I have never felt it necessary to explain myself to someone I knw would never understand. There is only they get it, or they don't. There is no such thing as changing somebody's perspective just by telling them how you feel. If they really wanted to, they would've seen it from my POV already. And there is no exception this time.
It is always easy to speak about and toss away others' emotions like unworthy trash, simply because it is not your own. It doesn't affect you in the very least, but it can shake my entire belief, the cores of what I've built myself upon.
Thanks for opening my eyes about what you really think.
I'll just keep in mind that I should never talk about this again with you.
It hurts me more than you will ever find out.
Your careless words in a moment of aggravation.
One week into 2014, already hurting all over again.
