Posted at 1:09 AM 0 comments (+) Sometimes I like to punish myself.

Not eating my meals, not sleeping despite being dog tired, drinking, listening to the same fucking sad song hoping it would break me this time.

I spend nights staring up at the ceiling from the floor.

Other days, like today, I wake up feeling all kinds of fucked up and it doesn't fade with the passing of the day. Sometimes I feel the need to turn off the lights, sit in the dark and start sobbing uncontrollably because I need to let some of it out and I can't let my tears see the light.

I will never forget that feeling of a choked throat, and tight chest from trying to hold tears in. And the moment tears finally, literally spill from my eyes the moment I turn my back.

I am not even asking for anything anymore. I just kind of want a place where I can be truly at rest. I don't even have the energy to explain or defend myself.
Do you think things will get better first, or I will actually try to quit living first?

I want to get drunk on my tears and die in my sleep.