Posted at 3:24 AM 0 comments (+) I don't know if I will ever find a way out.

These days I keep feeling like I'm going to lose it any moment. I want to try harder, to look for fresh starts and to actually believe in them, But I've had so many chances already and I keep fucking them up with no exceptions. I know exactly how it will go because it all only goes one way anymore: down.

I need to stop having nights when I start crying uncontrollably when I think about how desperate and devastating life is I need to stop having choked throats and eyes blurred from tears and I need to stop my hands from shaking or feeling like I can't breathe, This is not normal this is not what normal people do they don't sit in the dark and cry themselves dry in the middle of the night for no reason

I don't know what to do I'm so tired of fighting myself and fighting life. I've said this so many times that 'I'm tired' sounds like cliched empty words by now but I really am fucking tired. I just really can't anymore. Please can you please try to see how deep my hopelessness is and understand what this feels like. I just really need someone to understand that I'm really trying fucking hard to stay put together and functional.

I just really don't fucking know what to do I'm so sorry I turned out like this
my eyes are gonna be so fucked up tomorrow morning jfc