Posted at 4:08 AM 0 comments (+) I thought briefly about some of the people I know who seem genuinely happy with their lives and how it turned out. Whose lives seem truly complete; all filled in with little or no spaces for emptiness. I tried to imagine going to sleep at night, contented with life and satisfied with the day that'd just passed and waking up looking forward to the new day ahead.

Nobody is happy or has it easy all the time, I know that. But when the things to be happy and excited about, and things to look forward to far outweigh any sadness or setback you may occasionally face; when you always have a safety net to fall back on or someone to run back to, I think that's quite a lucky thing.

I wonder if there will ever come a day when I will truly love waking up to and be grateful for the beauty of each day, and go to bed counting my blessings and thanking my lucky stars each night. Even if it is just mindless happiness like that of a fool's.

I am always halfway in between caring too much and not giving a shit; between trying harder and giving up; between wanting to get better and becoming a real problem. Always between giving another chance and never opening up again.