Posted at 11:58 PM 0 comments (+) The days are starting to meld together; long hours in my office cubicle, snippets of bus rides, and the short time I spend awake and asleep at home.

The days fly by in a blur. Monday has barely began when Friday is coming to an end. I sit down at my desk at 8am, and the next time I glance up at the desktop clock it's 45 minutes to lunch, and then somehow it's 7pm and I'm working over time again. The days feel so short, but also so unbearably long. Something that happened only in the morning feels like something that had happened days ago.

I don't mind it so much, I can work very hard and until very late and not sleep enough, most probably because I know this is temporary. It's just a three-month holiday job kind of thing. I know that these dog days will end, sooner or later. But I can't imagine how I can have the strength to carry on without knowing all these slogging has a deadline.

I'm in constant motion. It feels wrong if you're idling for anything longer than a few seconds at one time, because there is just so much to do. There's no time to doze off no matter how little sleep I've gotten the night before because I am always on high tension mode. Sometimes the pressure gets so much I can feel my head start pounding.

I've grown used to my late hours after 1,5 months here. During my first week at the job, I knocked off at 5.30pm sharp everyday and the first time I had to stay till 6pm I was both reluctant and frustrated. Now, 7pm is so early it is considered an impossibility. And even if I did manage to wrap things up that early, I just stay late anyway to do things ahead of time just in case I'd be swarmed and overwhelmed tomorrow.

I just didn't want to accept that this is what a grown-up's working life would look like. Spending half of the day's hours at the office, longer than (more than twice) the amount of time you sleep, who ever thought that was healthy? How to not grow increasingly depressed and sullen?

I tell myself before and after each work day how I can do all these. You did it today, you can do it again tomorrow. If your colleagues can do it, so can you. How to keep holding myself together in this manner? One of these days it's not going to work?

But at the end of each day, and especially if it had been a particularly long and tough day, after I - seemingly not knowing anything in this field - managed to solve the issues that arise one by one by myself, I find myself still standing. And that I'm okay. And then I know I can do it again tomorrow.

And then I realise maybe I am not that incompetent or weak like I have come to believe after years of failing and not getting.

We all just got to learn to deal with things.