Sometimes I want to scream at everyone. Didn't you say you understood how I feel? Didn't you say you'll help me get through this? I thought you didn't want me to die? Where the fuck are you now? Why are you leaving me to deal with this on my own? 

Then. I remembered that this is my problem. Everybody has their own set of problems. It just so happens that my problem is that I want to kill myself. 

When people would tell me "why didn't you tell me?" I'll tell you this: I can talk about anything in retrospect. I can tell you in extensive detail about how I spent 2 days devising a perfect suicide plan when I am already feeling fine. But one of these days y'all not gonna be able to hear it from me in retrospect.

I know I will look back on these few entries when I feel more emotionally stable and feel disgusted at how weak and attention-seeking they are before I proceed to delete them all but I really don't have another outlet right now. 

I'm not about to kill myself I just really wished I was dead.