Posted at 2:15 AM 0 comments (+) We are a month in and the year has been kind to me so far; meeting up with people I haven't seen in a long time, not too much of excessive bullshit from the parents at home (not any I couldn't get over within the day anyway), and,

I have a plane ticket to Korea.

Yeah, I know... finally.

The only thing that is really still giving me a hard time now is getting employed. Job hunting is turning out to be a lot more burdensome and difficult than I had expected or ever experienced. Still no luck, whatsoever. It's the time of the year I hate the most - spring cleaning. My dad's been doing everything; I've cleaned my room for two days before losing all momentum and honestly I am just counting down the days until my dad snaps again. He doesn't say anything, but I feel the guilt all the same.

Right now, there's a lot of excited planning for the trip to Korea with friends - things we want to eat, places we want to go and etc. I've been in a considerably okay mood as of late.

But I have enough instances which reminds me that I am not fine.

And every time I am hit by one of these instances, the weight of it - that I am not fricking fine - hits me really hard on the head. It's like a wake up call.

Did you think you're alright now? 
It's never going to go away. Not really. 

The sadness will last forever.