Posted at 11:14 PM 0 comments (+) I still get so unbearably sad about the weight of the world sometimes that I just want to have some place, any place for me to seek solace in. I just need a safe place, a shelter to let me rest for a while. Somewhere I don't have to be so incredibly infallible all the time, some place where I can actually fall and know I'll be picked up and put together again.

I have a chance to take a leap right now, into a place I'm sure I am better off not being in. With someone I would never have considered if I was in my right mind.

If I am ever in my right mind anymore.

I keep thinking about it these days; whether I should take that leap. Just say "fuck it" this one time in my life, throw caution to the wind, all consequences be damned, and jump into the fire. I know it wouldn't end well. I don't even like him like that. I just want to have someone else to hold me together because I am so tired of doing it on my own. I tell people that it's because I'm bored to death with my life, and I am. But it's also because that for the first time in all these years, somebody wants me. 

For the first time, I'm not the one pining, chasing, wanting but never getting.

Everybody has that one person who was "the one who got away".

Maybe I just want to be wanted. I just want to be finally the one who loves less so I can leave without ever looking back.

I'm not in the right place, both my heart and my mind.