Posted at 10:24 PM 0 comments (+) I find that compared to making new friends, I still inherently prefer to be on my own.

I don't like it that just because I have had lunch with a group of colleagues a couple of times, they start asking me everyday at lunch time if I am joining them. I don't like it that just because I have gone out to have dinner and drinks, or sang k with them a couple of times, they create a group chat on Whatsapp with me in it and start asking me out every Friday as if it should be a regular thing.

In fact, often times these drinks and k sessions only happen out of convenience. It was something I wanted to do at the time and it was convenient that this group of people were around, so why the hell not? But I don't like it that they start to expect my attendance at these social settings when I never said I was a part of this "thing" going on with them.

When I say 'no' to these people I want to be able to not have to provide a reason or an excuse, but simply because I don't want to or I don't like to. Why do I have to tell you why? You asked, I said no, the end.

Knowing someone, or allowing someone to get to know me all over again, right from the start is just too much effort. I can't be fucked, honestly, about any of that. I don't want to have to explain myself or my thoughts or decisions to anybody again. All the people who should get it would've gotten it by now. Anybody else that comes after.. well, quota's full. I don't care about being understood by any of them new people in my life. It's just not worth any of the trouble to me.

I just want to be on my own. I don't want to be a part of anything.

Yes, I am fucked up. But we know that by now amirite.